Message in a bottle
W . A . L . T
Show not tell:
Use more commas and speech marks:
As I walk along the sandy beach,
a object takes away my speech,
walking slowly, step by step,
I pick up the bottle and take a deep breath,
I see a little wooden cork,
“oh my” I shout “I’m such a dork!!”,
as I pull out a little note,
theres a picture of a sail boat,
and as I am just standing there,
a person just begins to glare,
and so I put the note back in,
and throw it in the sea again.
and throw it in the sea again.
Hi Bronah! I really like all the descriptive words you have used in this writing and how you have highlighted the commas, speech marks and where you have shown not told. What inspired you to write about the 'sandy beach'?
ReplyDeleteHi Bronah
ReplyDeleteI love it. Your use of words is awesome I love how you say
'and throw it in the sea again'! You finished of with a laugh.
How long did this take you?
From Ella