Message in a bottle
W . A . L . T
Show not tell:
Use more commas and speech marks:
As I walk along the sandy beach,
a object takes away my speech,
walking slowly, step by step,
I pick up the bottle and take a deep breath,
I see a little wooden cork,
“oh my” I shout “I’m such a dork!!”,
as I pull out a little note,
theres a picture of a sail boat,
and as I am just standing there,
a person just begins to glare,
and so I put the note back in,
and throw it in the sea again.
and throw it in the sea again.
